Thursday, December 30, 2010

I'd just like to buy a dress

Stardate December 31, 2011

There was once a time in my life, in a galaxy not so far away, when I would see a piece of clothing in a shop that I  liked, so I would try it on, and if it fitted I would buy it. Decision making over. Now however, after two pregnancies and  three more children-and having just turned 40- it's a completely different story. Not only do things not fit as they once did, I find myself in a quandary, between young people clothes and old people clothes. And the conversation with shop assistant, well it goes something like this...

"I would like to buy a dress. Just an ordinary dress to slip on when I feel like wearing a dress. Nothing fancy-it's not like I'm going anywhere, anytime soon (as I glance at the pram to make sure the feral twins are still strapped in). I all ready have a couple of dresses for those occasions  (that will hopefully fit should the need arise).  I just want a simple dress.

Can I get something that's plain without a pattern on it? Yeah, I've noticed floral is big this year. I'm not really into flowers, but I guess I could do small ones because they may just look like dots if I don't look at them for too long. And I don't really wear yellow or brown, and I definitely don't wear green-due to a teacher that traumatised me many years ago- in fact you probably weren't even born then, so I really should get over it. Shouldn't I?

Hang on a minute, I'll just give the kiddies something to keep them quiet. Molly get off Alice, she really doesn't want a cuddle!

I don't want spaghetti straps or ruffled shoulders because they make me look like an American footballer in drag.

I really don't want to spend a lot of money, but can the material be a decent thickness? I'm not into flaunting the silhouette of my belly button, or every bump on my stomach and bum. And I don't really want to have to wear a singlet top under it to hid my bits.

No,  I don't want a maxi dress. I have a couple of those in the wardrobe that I don't wear now. Not really that practical for chasing kiddies I find. Yes I've noticed that they are 'in' right now, even with my limited capacity to socialise. BECAUSE THEY'RE ALL I EVER SEE WHEN I LOOK IN A SHOP FOR A DRESS!

SIT DOWN MOLLY AND PUT YOUR SEAT BELT ON. Sorry, she tries to escape if I stay still for too long. But I would like it long enough so that when I bend down to pick up a child, or do something child-related, everyone doesn't get to see my incredibly attractive undies. Oh, and I don't want lace or any of those sparkly things. I'm not really into that. Though I guess I could pick them off if I needed to.

I saw something in your shop a couple of months ago that I quite liked. Oh that was last summer? Whoops how time flies when you're living the dream in your trackie daks and cleaning up after everyone else every day. Oh well thanks for your help, I'll just keep looking."