Sunday, October 7, 2012

The Bucket List

Stardate: October 8, 2012. Coordinates: Somewhere between the kitchen and the dining table.

Our local weekend newspaper has a supplement magazine thingy. One of the columns in this magazine thingy is called 'I would love to..'. It's basically where readers can send in a list of 10 things they'd like to do before they die.
These 'bucket lists' seem to be one of the latest must do- it's a must do to make a list of want to dos. Why are they called bucket lists? (I would call a list of things that are so horrible they make me vomit a bucket list, but hey, whatever, I'll go with it). Just by doing a basic search of bucket list I cam across a website promoting a book that could help me ' the best life.'
"Creating a bucket list is one of the best ways to make sure that you use your time and resources in order to accomplish and experience what you really want out of life". They then go on to list various categories of bucket lists-sport, languages, martial arts, music and dance. Although this page can only give me 530 things to do, they do provide a link at the bottom of their list to a page that can give me 3, 500. You know like meet the Dali Lama, find inner peace, attend all major US golf tournaments, milk a cow, swim with dolphins and the list goes on... 
So anyway, a couple of months ago I emailled off my 'I would love to...' list but so far they haven't contacted me about publishing it-they also put a little photo of the bucketee with it, and i haven't been asked for one yet so I'm assuming they're not keen, so I thought i'd share it here.
1. Make it through a day without the urge to strangle one of my children.

2. Have enough time to figure out where I could go for a holiday-to get away from the kids.

3. Sort out ‘under the house’.

4. Get a job that’s actually relevant to my qualifications.

5. Get some use out of my bike and surfboard that sit under the house, unused...due to the kids.

6. Have matching bed linen I'm actually nearly there on that one-priorities people.

7. Sew something from start to finish without having to unpick it, due to being distracted 20 kids.

8. Get a full night’s sleep for more than two consecutive nights (this may have happened but I can't remember due to the other 1400 or so 'broken nights' in the last four years-plus the rest.

9. Find things where I actually remember putting them.

10.Wake up with only one other person in my bed. That person not of my kids.

Maybe once this bucket list is signed off on, I'll get around to making a proper one, buy by then I'll probably be too old to do any of it anyway. maybe technology will be advanced enough and cheap enough that I can do it all virtually, then I wouldn't need to worry about my dodgy knees, dodgy back and dementia affecting my experience.
 To quote the pilot from the Young Ones 'Demolition' episode "best not to think about it".

Tuesday, June 5, 2012

Six Important Little Words

I have a new motto.What's a motto? Nothing! What's a motto with you? (Lion King joke, still cracks me up though). Although it's way too late for me, I'm hoping that my experience can help someone else avoid the same drama-BE CAREFUL WHO YOU BREED WITH!!

If you are in a position where you are thinking about having a child, starting a family with someone, think of this-What is the one thing about your partner that drives you bonkers more than anything else, and how does this make you feel? Then multiply that  feeling a thousand-fold and that's how irritated and angry they will potentially make you feel if you ever seperate from them and have to do the whole shared custody 'thing'.

Every week for the rest of your life you could potentially be made to feel this annoyed. When you have to talk to them to discuss some aspect of your child/ren's life. Every time they haven't stood up to their end of the bargain. Every time they 'forget' to pick the kids up-or something else came up. You could get this urge to do hideous things. you may even get to the point where even when their name is mentioned you get the urge to sacrifice a living being, one preferably with similar features to your ex.

That's why it's always handy if you do find yourself in this situation to just be 'that little bit odd' around people, as that can only aid your insanity plea if something does happen.